Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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