i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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