Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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