judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize