well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
