...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
