I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm lost and stupid without you.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
