how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Randomize
