420 ftw
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
