i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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