Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
