I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
