Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
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Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
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She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
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