remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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