Who wears a wallet chain?!
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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