I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
