God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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