I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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