Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
