you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
