Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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