How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize