Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
