Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
if only i could text you this smell
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
