I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
