I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
