i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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