All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
