Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
