Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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