my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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