I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
