really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
