you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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