i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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