You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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