so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
