On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
