Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
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