I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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