Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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