Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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