btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
