mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
