OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
