Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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