so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
