Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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