Im at strip club and am horny
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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