I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
