If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
how does that bad decision feel?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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