dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I will be naked everywhere
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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