remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Randomize
