i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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