i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
