Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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