she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
