Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
