Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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