Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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