am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
