he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
