i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
