theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
