he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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