Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
