her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
