I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
