My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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