I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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