u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
my sisters under your porch take her home
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
