you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
