I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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