Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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