I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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