Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
