party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
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I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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