you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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