Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
