I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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