and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
