You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
