Just cropdusted the office
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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