Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
